I am a loser. I am a liar, a pathetic insect undeserving of frens. When my frens call me the great pretender, they were rite. I have no ME. I'm a mask, many masks and behind them, I cannot even find out the real me. I am a hypocrite. I do things I don't believe me, I say things I don't care about. I crave attention and so I lie. I lie to get attention. I am selfish. I do things for my own gain. I leech off others' happiness. I don't deserve happiness. I don't even allow myself to enjoy my fren's bday because I am selfish and wallow in my own self-pity. Even now, I play the tragic hero. I smile and I laugh, all paper faces to a world which believes it. People see me as PEP, Eeps, Pang Ee Pin, always entertaining. I see myself as Ee Pin, the loser. I laugh and I kid, hoping to make pple happy, to gain their trust without an inch of mine, drawing attention away from my inner self while tricking them into trusting the paper me. I secretly hope for breakups in relationships and think about whole romantic escapades in which one falls in love. I do not deserve love. I do not deserve life. But I can't end it. I'm too much of a coward. I say I want to live because of what it has to offer. I have a family, frens, money, education. Everything. But I still say life sucks. That's selfishness. That's me. Loser. I do not deserve love. I want to cry. Ahhh... don't bother feeling worried... I won't go mad. I won't do anything bad. Life goes on as it has for the past 20 years. PEP will always be PEP. I'm tired.



Hole in my heart
String through it, find the golden centre
Laugh.
I scream and shout and I want
People to hear me
Hear me
Love me
Fingers racing across the board
Music streams in second waves and the hole grows
Bigger than the one for love
The hole of emptiness
I don't want this
Try to forgive
Myself today and tomorrow
It will be better
It never will
Never feel fingers tracing my lips
Hands through my hair
A soul with mine
Timing is everything
Love is everything
I am not the centre
Laugh
- PEP